No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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