Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
