it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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