Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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