If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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