at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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