Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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