I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize