I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
