Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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