He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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