If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ladies don't puke and tell
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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