honey bunches of taint.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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