Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
