I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize