I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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