My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
