sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
