Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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