i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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