dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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