i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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