just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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