So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
