when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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