the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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