Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
