i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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