There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
