Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
