I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize