what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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