i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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