Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
