nut hugger
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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