my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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