Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
