dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
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Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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