I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
