once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud