Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
