Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
