His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
