3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
