fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
