You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
