just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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