My liver just broke up with me...
is wine microwaveable?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
