maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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