Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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