summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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