god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
