In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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