so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
