i don't like sucking hair
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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